Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
