Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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