Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
