theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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