very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
