can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
