Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
