haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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