I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
