I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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