break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
