Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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