I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
