didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
