I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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