dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
