I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
