Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
