The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
