I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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