i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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