So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
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I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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