Screwed.edu
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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