My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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