if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
