I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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