I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
