I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
