It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
