I wish i was in the wii world.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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