After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
