Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
