We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
