Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
