My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
