You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
