So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
