You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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