She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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