We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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