My room smells like vodka and shame
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
