Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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