i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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