When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
