my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
