Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
