I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
