somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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