Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
