my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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