whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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