i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize