i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You have to summon your inner elephant
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
