I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
