I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
