Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
