I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
