So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
