i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
