I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
